Now That's Good T
My beloved brothers, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19, ESV)
Technology and various media platforms
play a pivotal role in our transcending world today. We now have at our disposal
access to anyone, any place, and information about most anything at any given time.
However, this technological advancement has not improved our ability to talk
with one another in ways that matter the most. Simply put, access to information
does not create honest, opened, healthy connections. When scripture urged the ”older
women to teach the younger” (Titus 2:4), that required the younger to become
teachable. This process is more than asking and answering questions. It requires
us to learn how talk and listen to, and care about one another at the deepest level,
to teach what is helpful and “good” (Titus 2:3, NIV).
The ability to connect with
one another where they are takes time and patience. James 5:1 says it requires
us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. I am sure you can
name those who it can be difficult to achieve this simple instruction. If you’re
like me, just trying to get your point across without them interrupting is like
trying to cross a street during rush hour traffic! Lots of stopping, going and
conversation collisions. Fortunately, we can change that. Swift to hear means there’s
a rush or sense of eagerness to listen at what others are saying, but just
because you can hear them, doesn’t mean you’re listening. Listening is to
comprehend the spoken and unspoken message. For instance, have you been engaged
in a conversation with someone who suddenly stops talking? Why is that? Did you
stop too? What happened? Did you ask? You should. There could be a few reasons
why, but the most common is that they possibly felt uncomfortable, unheard, or
interrupted. Listening require intentional tuning into the other person when
they open-up enough to share their thoughts with you. So, turn off the TV, turn
off your inner thoughts, and engage. Ask them questions like “why do you feel that
way, why is that important, or what else do you think? Then let them explain until
they feel heard.
Being slow to speak is as intentional
as slowly brewing a cup of tea to reach its best flavor. Rushing to add your
inputs, experiences, or perspectives, means your thoughts were in motion at the
same time the other person was speaking. Since women tend to talk a lot, we’ve
probably culprits of this practice more than we care to admit. If you don’t
think so, ask someone, but don’t be surprised if they can name a few instances.
Try not to trample over others with your interruptions, ensure they have had
the chance to finish, and take time to reflect on what they shared, before
adding your thoughts. Lastly, check your behavior. Not the way you perceive it,
but rather, the way the other person does. You may not be aware of your talkative,
snippy, debating, defensive, know-it-all, it’s you, not me attitude, but the
other person certainly does. If communication breakdowns, become curious enough
to discern what caused the shift and work towards repairing instead of defending
yourself, and it may build a healthier connection and conversation.
Sip on that
My boyfriend and I are currently working on this topic in our relationship. For both of us to listen to understand and not to just respond. Very good read!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the input German Bby. It's good to hear that you are working on this now, because it will prove helpful as you two take your relationship to a new level of connection. As stated, it require intentional actions, and it is continuous. I too challenge my beloved to be mindful of interruptions when we talk. I've purposed to become better at understanding him by asking questions, writing down what's being said and repeating it back to ensure we are on the same page. I want to hear him and I want to be heard. Hopefully he and I will become swift listeners, slow speakers, and slower still at becoming angry or frustrated because we didn't make the other feel heard. Hearing is not necessarily agreeing. It's a form of discipline of one's behavior for the better of others, at that moment. Sip on that...
DeleteDr. P
Dr. P offers many substantive points throughout this blog. Effective communication is vital when trying to both relay and receive a message. However, in many instances, our personal behaviors and mindets can prevent us from effectively communicating with others. The wisdom provided in this piece can help individuals successfully pass along important messages to a receiver.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Effective communication is developed over time and it requires all involved to change their tendency to allow inner thoughts or outside activities distract them from the conversation. An example of this is when you answer a text or call when someone is talking to you, or you tune into the game or tv program more than the conversation. On a personal level, you find yourself waiting to say something barely before they finish speaking or even while they're sharing their point. Did you know that controlling your thoughts, quieting yourself, slowing your breathing and focusing is good for your health? Naushad (2015) posed that it is, and added that "it can be a great way to earn some brownie points with your friends." No, he didn't say brownies were healthy. Perhaps that was a tad distracting (smile). If you grab one, be sure to share it with those you're supposedly listening to. Look at it as a peace offering for getting distracted, and enjoy it with the rest of your T.
DeleteDr. P
Simply awesome
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteDr.P
ReplyDeleteFirst of all Thank You! For using the truth to back up your blog That truth is the word of God.Your commentaries and examples are so clear . I’m gonna practice what you preach Enjoyed this read
Thanks
Great information and perspective. It’s easy to tell your spouse or significant other to listen to what you are saying before responding, it’s easy to get frustrated with the other person and all discipline goes out the window during a heated moment. Not communicating and holding past transgressions inside makes it hard sometimes to communicate with an open mind, especially when you been hurt by the other person. It takes God and his word to be all up in your marriage for it to be successful it all comes down to wanting to do better and striving to listen to your partner on both sides. I am still working on this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this very real perspective. I appreciate that you pointed out how difficult this practice is, when we consider our personal traumas, be it emotional, physical, psychological or whatever. We are not robots, so these unhealthy influences can damage the way we communicate with that person and others. However, the key here is to strive to be aware of your behavior when you are having "healthy" conversations with other people. Everyone is broken in some way, but not every brokenness heals to the point that they can have healthy connections with others. Sure, God is our source of strength and hope, but He too wants us to work on what we may be doing to improve being "swift to hear, slow to speak and therefore slow to anger those we can connect with. Sometimes silence, when implemented at the right moment, can say more than any misspoken words. God be with you...
DeleteDr. P
Oh WOW! I love this blog! I know, I’m late to the party, but I made it! This is really great information and perspective. It really resignates with me because I am trying to be a better listener and to not be so quick to respond. I am a work in progress. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteNever too late
DeleteI appreciate that you visited this blog, and it matters not when as much as it does that you saw the benefits in what was said. We all are "a work in progress," which means we should be working at change and just doing the same thing, while expecting different outcomes. Thanks for adding to this conversation.
Dr P